Time for some plain speaking. English rugby is a farce. And Martin Johnson simply must be held accountable. Not for all of it mind. That lies at the foot of the hateful Premiership Rugby, the governing body of the premier league and its vain self interest, and the rudderless RFU, which Chairman regular readers will know all about.
MJ's remit is the England team. And he has pointedly failed since his entirely bogus appointment. Make no mistake, Johnson was hired not by the RFU, but by the media. And now for the media the chickens are coming home to roost. MJ had no qualifications whatsover to be appointed coach of England. NONE. Apart from being a world cup winner and having a "brooding presence" or whatever tired cliche the hacks choose to use on any given day. Since he has come in, England have regressed. They are a worse side than the one he inherited. This is simple fact that no amount of comments like "ooh, Toby Flood is a great fly half and controls the game" changes.
As I have oft stated, I do have a certain amount of sympathy. Rugby as a game in England is swimming against the tide. The tide of relentles health & safety dogma, pikey lazy scared parents who don't want little jimmy (or whatever ghastly monicker the hopeless child has been lumped with) hurting himself (but are quite prepared to watch him loot the local JD Sports no doubt) and a vacuous crippled generation of cowardly layabouts who are too chicken shit to play a contact sport. Meaning the pool of players goes down all the time. Again, simple fact.
The Premiership Rugby (like the FA) is complicit in the destruction of the game. PRL cares noting for the national game, spitting into the face of the RFU which has done all it can to provide a basis for national achievement. Like football, rugby now suffers from an ever dwindling England qualified player base as the country is flooded with cheap foreign imports (where have we heard that before!) and tight budgets mean no youth player development worth the name.
But none of this, NONE of this, excuses that lamentable performance against Wales.
Wales! This is a country with even more problems than England. A bloated tired pointless nation state, addicted to its neighbours forever generous teet. And all England gets in return is hate. A simple thank you would suffice welshies, rather than the oh so predictable false fury and rage which seems to great any England team playing there.
But we should thank Wales who thoroughly deserved to beat their much bigger, better funded neighbours. England were shown up by what they are: a team with no verve, no skills, no ability to score tries whatsoever. Just imagine, IMAGINE, if England were playing those humourless kiwis... A massacre is far too polite a word. It would be total capitulation.
And Johnson MUST be held accountable. All this drivel in the media about his "silence" after the game as if that was supposed to magically make Hape have a slightly more convincing case to be playing international rugby union, or excuses Cueto from being in the national side. Its laughable. This isnt Leicester in 1995, when a few angry words from Johnson might have mobilised a couple of players. These are highly rewarded professional athletes and they are being lead by a donkey.
But if you can indulge me for 5 minutes, I would like to be a bit more forensic about the performance and the players. I should note that nothing I say below is unusual and its nothing personal (apart from with Armitage, who is a well known cock of the highest order). The chat boards on the Telegraph website are all in total agreement. Yet, the one person who matters is watching not just a different game, but it seems a different sport.
In no particular order, I would like to kick off with Danny Care. This bloke is by some distance the worst SH I have ever seen in and England shirt, possibly ever. I am shaking my head in disbelief just thinking about it. He is diabolical. His pass is slow and weak. He cannot pass without taking 2 steps first (this used to be coached out of a SH at the age of 7). He single handedly slows down an entire game by waiting for forwards to arrive, looking around before deciding what to do. Care is the fulcrum for this pathetic England team. Why is he not told to work QUICK ball? Why does he think that it is a good idea to wait to release the ball to let the opposition defence organise? This is pre-schoolboy stuff. Its no good moaning about Stephen Jones on twitter Danny Boy. You are key to the problem. What chance does Flood or Hape have playing outside you? By the time the ball arrives the opposition could have played a game of chess.
Flood? Flood? Is this really the best England can produce at FH? It simply beggars belief. He still looks like the schoolboy who has got lost and suddenly found himslef playing international rugby. How did this happen? Physcally he is tiny. He is remarkably slow for a small lad. His kicking from hand abysmal at this level and his place kicking average at best. His distribution slow and without vision. His tackling weak. He is as far away from test standard rugby as Arwel Thomas was all those years ago. And at least he was quick. Flood's selection is as damning indictment of the quality of English rugby as anything else I can think of.
"Hape". I dont want to focus on his nationality but I have to. He is not English. He is a kiwi. Complete with comedy kiwi accent and comedy kiwi tattoos. He is a mercenary. Rugby is about pride and passion (and courage). Hape has none of those things. He openly wears his kiwi identity as some perverse badge of honour. This is a bloke not good enough to play union in NZ. Yet he now lines up with the red rose on his chest? His presence offends me. When he faces the ridiculous dance the kiwis do, what will he be thinking? It's lamentable. But not as lamentable as his rugby. Big and strong? Certainly. But slow. He has nothing, NOTHING going forward. This was equally true at Bath as well. His selection is entirely without merit. Its no good MJ sticking up for him and coming out with cryptic bullshit like "he does things you dont see". This is inexcusable. Hape has no place on an international rugby field. How can MJ be the only one on the western hemisphere who seems not to notice this? With Hape at IC, england will be starved of scoring opportunities. This is not a matter of opinion. This is a statement of fact.
Tindall? I mean honestly. How on earth is he still playing international rugby? I refuse to believe his heart is in it any more to be honest, now he's bagged a bloody priness. Money worries over for Mike. He needs some cash he can pop off to Hello magazine and flog some pics of their beastly future sprog. After all, he tried to sell the wedding pics didnt he (I give it 3 years).
Tindally seems, amazingly, to be dining off his 2001-3 performances. Which let us not forget, came while he played outside a certain Will Greenwood, who did know how to play. Just as most the useless bone idle pikey England football players seem good playing for their ghastly clubs alongside really talent imports, so Tindall looked good alongside Greenwood. Now outside Hape, Tindall is utterly exposed as an ageing, slow lump with truly terrible hands. If the ball magically reaches Tindall after the age it takes to get from Care, Flood and Hape, then the move will almost certainly come to an end.
But he might have to pass to Mark Cueto... honestly. How on earth is he still in the side. He cant believe it himself can he? There was much written about that lean scoring patch he found himself in while Ashton was scoring for fun at club and international level. Yet no one seemed to ask the obvious question. Why is Ashton scoring tries while Cueto isnt? All sort of excuses were found for him and Cueto himself remained bullish. But it was all nonsense. He didnt score tries becasue he is far far too slow for a wing and isnt very good. Its not rocket science is it. The stats are revealing. Why did MJ not stop for a moment and think: "hmm, maybe Cueto just isnt very good". It is simply not good enough. Johnson is like a rabbit in the headlights.
I regret the same can be said of Bannahan. A big guy, but size is not enough at the highest level. Bannahan has been repeatedly exposed at the top level. He should go back to club rugby and bully the smaller chaps there. I like him. I like the obvious pride he takes in representing his country and his pride in his pilot grandfather. But I am fierecely proud of my grandfather who fought in WWII and I dont pretend I should be selected (though the Chairman is available for selection).
Much is made of Foden, but he really does fancy himself a bit doesn't he with that ridiculous pop star girlfriend, tight t-shirts and poxy youtube videos. Does'nt he wear jackets with the sleeves rolled up for god's sake? But as to his rugby, the boy is nowhere near, nowhere NEAR as good as he thinks he is and he is nowhere near as good as the idiots in the MSM claim he is. He's ok.
But before the ball gets to the backs, it has to get out the back of the scrum. And to do this, it needs to filter through the fat legs of Nick Easter. Now, I like Nick Easter and I hear from very well placed sources he is a good bloke. But being a good bloke does not make him a good rugby player. Otherwise the Chairman would be on his 100th cap by now. Like Flood, Easter's selection is damning indictment of the quality of England number 8s. Isn't it just depressing? Look back at history. Richards, Teague, Dallaglio etc. Easter would not get a look in. Easter is a relic of the amateur age. He is out of shape. How this has passed the highly paid fitness bods at Pennyhill Park I do not know, but looking at him in a tight England jersey is a disgrace. He is carrying weight. Compare him to the back rows of any major rugby power and it becomes embarrassing. Easter is fat, slow and his attitude is, shall we say, on the lax side. I want my number 8 to be an enforcer. If the kiwi back row comes out fists flying, Easter will be on the other side of the pitch, mark my words. He's as hard as a jelly. As an aside (and not that I endorse teh tedious punch throwing of the saffas and Argies), when did you last see Easter get into a scrap?
Now. In Cole, Thompson and Sheridan, England have an acceptable front row. But they don't do they (go with me here)? For despite his size and obvious strength (though he was taken apart by Hayman), Sheridan appears to be as delicate as a little teeny bird. He gets injured at the drop of a hat. And then when he gets injured (say, he cuts his toe nail), he then seems to get some life threatening disease. Never have a I seen such a man mountain with such a delicate proposition. The simple truth is Sheridan will never, ever last an entire world cup, as he will get injured. There is no doubt about this. So why select him? Corbisiero is ok, but hardly in the mould of classic frightening england front rowers. Hartley flatters to deceive. Louis Deacon has been around for years and is nothing more than a club player. Lawes is young and desperately over rated. Tom Wood was badly found out again.
I have run out of energy now.
Its all very well trying to find excuses for MJ. I have read a few. But player selection is HIS job. And he was pointedly failed to find an England midfield which is even club level. While he continues to pick old, slow players in the backs and out of shape players in the forwards. This is simply unnacceptable. I find it offensive having to watch Easter huff and puff around the field, and watch Cueto cut inside as he has no pace.
It personally offends me to watch the desperate quality Englans rugby has been reduced to. And I place much of the blame at the foot of MJ.
To make matters worse, after yet another disgraceful performance, what does MJ and his squad do? Bugger off for a week's holiday. Yep, that is sure to help the backline strong more than 2 passes together.
The whole thing is truly depressing. Almost as depressing as the fact Stuart Broad thinks he is a world beater having bounced out a few bored Indians.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
New Zealand rugby - an apology of sorts
New Zealand is in many ways a wonderful country. Majestic countryside and a tough, resilient, proud people. But their attitude to their national game really does it no favours.
Let's take a quick look at the NRU.
The New Zealand Rugby Union is a truly hateful governing body. A body so self obsessed, so utterly addicted to providing its own national team with every advantage its own actions have resulted in deliberate destruction of the game on its tiny powerless neighbouring islands which have provided so many of its best players.
Let us make no mistake. The Kiwi rugby union is so myopic, biased, relentlessly self interested it makes the worst premiership football clubs look like charitable youth development trusts. Despite what many might argue is its reponsibilities to its small neighbours, the last thing the NRU wants is a successful pacific islands game. Because should that happen, then the lure of the "All Blacks" (the first and last time I use that riciculous moniker which frankly I find offensive Ma'a Nonu you gormless buffoon) will fall dramatically, and suddenly the likes of Joe Rocokoko might not want to represent the country which pillages the best island players for its own personal use.
The NRU has actively worked to suppress the island game. It has stolen players, with the lure of a private education and a poxy house for his family. It refuses to play internationals on the islands. It has done NOTHING to advance the game in the pacific islands. Christ, England has done more than the useless selfish kiwis.
And lets not even get started on the humourless way they play the game and their utter lack of grace in victory or defeat. The chest thumping arrogance which makes the French seem decidedly modest. And I simply dont have the room to start on the most absurd element of kiwi rugbty, the haka. A ritual so fake, so inane, so steeped in bogus heritage and false propaganda, so utterly ridiculous I struggle to watch it now without bursting into laughter. I just wish they would do it in the underground carpark every game.
No. My post today (and there will be more on the "haka" and the humourless kiwis as the RWC approaches) is to apologise. For while we all know the have plucked the best pacific islanders to play rugby for NZ for years and years, it seems the current squad are all fair dinkum kiwis. Let's look where they were born shall we?
Mils Muliaina, Salesi, Western Samoa
Cory Jane, Wellington NZ
Conrad Smith, Taranaki NZ
Ma'a Nonu, Wellington NZ
Zac Guildford, Greytown NZ
Dan Carter, Southbridge NZ
Jimmy Cowan, Gore NZ
Wyatt Crockett, Christchurch NZ
Andrew Hore, Dunedin NZ
Ben Franks, Melbourne Aus
Sam Whitelock, Palmerston North
Ali Williams, Auckland NZ
Jerome Kaino, Tutuila American Somoa
Richie McCaw (capt), Oamaru NZ
Adam Thomson, Christchurch NZ
Corey Flynn, Invercargill NZ
John Afoa, Auckland NZ
Jarrad Hoeata, Tauranga NZ
Liam Messam, Blenheim NZ
Piri Weepu, Lower Hutt NZ
Colin Slade, Christchurch NZ
Sonny Bill Williams, Auckland NZ
Sitiveni Sivivatu, Suva Fiji
So really its just Muliaina, Sivivatu and Kaino. Given the fact most the England squad are either South Africans on their gap year or kiwis who were not good enough to get a club game in their home country, this is pretty good.
So well done New Zealand. You have actually managed to put out a side which comes from New Zealand. I shall not criticise them on this basis again.
This does not change the fact The Chairman will support anyone, ANYONE against New Zealand. I was far happier when France beat NZ in the QF of the last world cup than when England beat the Aussies. No team in the world, even the ghastly Aussie cricket sides under Waugh and Ponting wind me up as much as the New Zealand rugby team. The unique combination of the sanctimony, charmlessness, arrogance and total humourlessness (is that a word?) of ths team is a global marvel.
Given the fact England are so bad its amusing, I shall wear my gold jersey with pride should the Aussies reach the final. Go Australia! Who'd have thunk I'd ever say that hey?
Let's take a quick look at the NRU.
The New Zealand Rugby Union is a truly hateful governing body. A body so self obsessed, so utterly addicted to providing its own national team with every advantage its own actions have resulted in deliberate destruction of the game on its tiny powerless neighbouring islands which have provided so many of its best players.
Let us make no mistake. The Kiwi rugby union is so myopic, biased, relentlessly self interested it makes the worst premiership football clubs look like charitable youth development trusts. Despite what many might argue is its reponsibilities to its small neighbours, the last thing the NRU wants is a successful pacific islands game. Because should that happen, then the lure of the "All Blacks" (the first and last time I use that riciculous moniker which frankly I find offensive Ma'a Nonu you gormless buffoon) will fall dramatically, and suddenly the likes of Joe Rocokoko might not want to represent the country which pillages the best island players for its own personal use.
The NRU has actively worked to suppress the island game. It has stolen players, with the lure of a private education and a poxy house for his family. It refuses to play internationals on the islands. It has done NOTHING to advance the game in the pacific islands. Christ, England has done more than the useless selfish kiwis.
And lets not even get started on the humourless way they play the game and their utter lack of grace in victory or defeat. The chest thumping arrogance which makes the French seem decidedly modest. And I simply dont have the room to start on the most absurd element of kiwi rugbty, the haka. A ritual so fake, so inane, so steeped in bogus heritage and false propaganda, so utterly ridiculous I struggle to watch it now without bursting into laughter. I just wish they would do it in the underground carpark every game.
No. My post today (and there will be more on the "haka" and the humourless kiwis as the RWC approaches) is to apologise. For while we all know the have plucked the best pacific islanders to play rugby for NZ for years and years, it seems the current squad are all fair dinkum kiwis. Let's look where they were born shall we?
Mils Muliaina, Salesi, Western Samoa
Cory Jane, Wellington NZ
Conrad Smith, Taranaki NZ
Ma'a Nonu, Wellington NZ
Zac Guildford, Greytown NZ
Dan Carter, Southbridge NZ
Jimmy Cowan, Gore NZ
Wyatt Crockett, Christchurch NZ
Andrew Hore, Dunedin NZ
Ben Franks, Melbourne Aus
Sam Whitelock, Palmerston North
Ali Williams, Auckland NZ
Jerome Kaino, Tutuila American Somoa
Richie McCaw (capt), Oamaru NZ
Adam Thomson, Christchurch NZ
Corey Flynn, Invercargill NZ
John Afoa, Auckland NZ
Jarrad Hoeata, Tauranga NZ
Liam Messam, Blenheim NZ
Piri Weepu, Lower Hutt NZ
Colin Slade, Christchurch NZ
Sonny Bill Williams, Auckland NZ
Sitiveni Sivivatu, Suva Fiji
So really its just Muliaina, Sivivatu and Kaino. Given the fact most the England squad are either South Africans on their gap year or kiwis who were not good enough to get a club game in their home country, this is pretty good.
So well done New Zealand. You have actually managed to put out a side which comes from New Zealand. I shall not criticise them on this basis again.
This does not change the fact The Chairman will support anyone, ANYONE against New Zealand. I was far happier when France beat NZ in the QF of the last world cup than when England beat the Aussies. No team in the world, even the ghastly Aussie cricket sides under Waugh and Ponting wind me up as much as the New Zealand rugby team. The unique combination of the sanctimony, charmlessness, arrogance and total humourlessness (is that a word?) of ths team is a global marvel.
Given the fact England are so bad its amusing, I shall wear my gold jersey with pride should the Aussies reach the final. Go Australia! Who'd have thunk I'd ever say that hey?
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Manu Tuilagi, and the deeply depressing England rugby squad
Just musing on the likely starting XV at the RWC in a couple of months, it struck me what a dire state the game finds itself in in England at the moment. The quality of the squad is simply lamentable. All this talk of "bolters" and the ridiculous Tuilagi, inter alia, is a smokescreen for the raw truth: England rugby has gone backwards by some distance since 2003. Clearly the RFU shambles is not ideal, but this does not explain the decay in the game.
For the Chairman at least, it is symbolic of the decay of our once great nation, which is now a sorry, self loathing, lazy, feeble, embarrassing, weak, pathetic excuse for a nation state. A country full of bone idle dole scroungers and those with no right whatsoever to be living there. A country seemingly ashamed of its past and with no pride in its future. A failed country, run by failed leaders, with failed agendas.
Which brings me to Tuilagi. This bloke is a Samoan. He is as English as I am Fijian. I have nothing against him due to his nationality, but let's not pretend he is anything other than a Samoan shall we?. Lest we forget, he should not even be in the country at all, but a few strings were pulled and he merrily stays - a classic example of the utter shambles our borders have become. But how grateful is Tuilagi for our accommodation? It appears he is not in the least bit thankful to his adoptive nation. Why, just 6 weeks ago, off he pops to get a ghastly sleeve tattoo, to "celebrate his Samaoness".
Again, I have no problem with this, but why the hell is he representing England? Play for Samoa you yob, not England. If you are so proud of your heritage, great. But don’t insult us by having a Samoan flag on your arm, then put on the red rose of England and pretend you care about representing the country. Why has Johnson (who is become increasingly ridiculous himself) selecting this idiot? His assault, for that is what it was, on Chris Ashton was all you need to know about this violent pest. I want him nowhere near the England side thank you very much. There are plenty of fine outside centres in England who might actually give a flying rod about representing the country, rather than have it almost literally spat back in our face.
James Simpson Daniel for example. By some very clear distance the best back in England. Not just by a bit. By some clear distance. Quick, great hands, vision, eye for the line, perfectly acceptable in defence. And English. But no. Johnson drops him and selects this Tuilagi, and lest we forget, a bloke who could not even get a club game in New Zealand (or France for that matter), "Ricky" Flutey. Flutey isn’t English. He's a kiwi.
And so is the absurdly monikered "Shonatayne Hape". He's also a kiwi, with a comedy kiwi accent "good as gold eh sweet as bro I just want to smish them eh" etc and the standard comedy kiwi tattoos. Botha? Have you seen this bloke? He is a humourless saffa on a gap year living in a bedsit in Ealing Broadway isn’t he? How the hell did this bloke end up starting a test for England? He clearly cannot believe it himself can he? He walks around Pennyhill Park wondering what the hell happened. He only came to England to work in a pub in Earl’s Court and now he is running out at rugby HQ. I am at a loss for words at this point. Botha? hahaha. It is a DISGRACE he has been picked ahead of the multitude of hard working premiership players. A DISGRACE. And he is not even bloody english.
You thought the list stopped there didn’t you? How about Fourie? Stevens?I am sick of it. These players are not english and should not be representing our country.
I know some of my Aussie readership may remind the Chairman of the England cricket side. “Ah, but Chairman, the cricket side is full of south Africans”. Well this does not exercise me in the same way. KP, as I have often been on record saying, is English, whatever the bitter cricket writers in the Daily Telegraph may think. His mum is from Lancashire and only moved to SA after she got married. KP moved to England when he was 19. Strauss was born in SA to English parents. Prior spent about 20 minutes in SA as a young child. Let's all just calm down shall we? Or I might bring up the Aussie athletics or tennis teams. [NB. I don't defend the selection of Trott. The bloke is a sociopath and not English.]
For the record, I will not support England if Johnson selects any of the above mentioned players. It is beyond the pale. They can lose to anyone for all I care, if I have to watch Tuilagi pretend to know the words to God Save The Queen. (Does he? Let's watch tomorrow).
With the above in mind, here is my XV:
1. Cole
2. Hartley
3. Sheridan (assuming he can actually walk and hasn’t grazed his ear)
4. Laws
5. Palmer
6. Croft
7. Moody (c)
8. Easter
9. Youngs
10. Wilko
11. Monye
12. Tindall (how lame we are still picking this bloke? But I WILL NOT HAVE Flutey or "Happy" in my team.
13. Armitage (yes, at outside centre)
14. Ashton
15. Foden
Am I happy with this team? No, I am not. It’s useless. Weakness in every position. No enforcer. No skills in the centres. A glaring weakness at loosehead as Sheridan gets injured at the drop of the hat. Croft’s form is ludicrous. Moody is not a cleanskin openside. Monye is positionally naive. Foden is a bit of a cock, while Ashton steals hubcaps. Easter is not a serious rugby player. Tindall is old and slow. Armitage is not a specialist OC.
It's all very embarrassing frankly. I have been dreading this RWC for 4 years. Those pesky kiwis, ("oooh, England wearing black shirt disrespects our heritage etc etc" YAWN), who seem to find “disrespect” at the drop of a hat, will walk it. And good luck to them. I am sure they will celebrate it in the same joyless manner they celebrate their annual winning of the tri nations.
For the Chairman at least, it is symbolic of the decay of our once great nation, which is now a sorry, self loathing, lazy, feeble, embarrassing, weak, pathetic excuse for a nation state. A country full of bone idle dole scroungers and those with no right whatsoever to be living there. A country seemingly ashamed of its past and with no pride in its future. A failed country, run by failed leaders, with failed agendas.
Which brings me to Tuilagi. This bloke is a Samoan. He is as English as I am Fijian. I have nothing against him due to his nationality, but let's not pretend he is anything other than a Samoan shall we?. Lest we forget, he should not even be in the country at all, but a few strings were pulled and he merrily stays - a classic example of the utter shambles our borders have become. But how grateful is Tuilagi for our accommodation? It appears he is not in the least bit thankful to his adoptive nation. Why, just 6 weeks ago, off he pops to get a ghastly sleeve tattoo, to "celebrate his Samaoness".
Again, I have no problem with this, but why the hell is he representing England? Play for Samoa you yob, not England. If you are so proud of your heritage, great. But don’t insult us by having a Samoan flag on your arm, then put on the red rose of England and pretend you care about representing the country. Why has Johnson (who is become increasingly ridiculous himself) selecting this idiot? His assault, for that is what it was, on Chris Ashton was all you need to know about this violent pest. I want him nowhere near the England side thank you very much. There are plenty of fine outside centres in England who might actually give a flying rod about representing the country, rather than have it almost literally spat back in our face.
James Simpson Daniel for example. By some very clear distance the best back in England. Not just by a bit. By some clear distance. Quick, great hands, vision, eye for the line, perfectly acceptable in defence. And English. But no. Johnson drops him and selects this Tuilagi, and lest we forget, a bloke who could not even get a club game in New Zealand (or France for that matter), "Ricky" Flutey. Flutey isn’t English. He's a kiwi.
And so is the absurdly monikered "Shonatayne Hape". He's also a kiwi, with a comedy kiwi accent "good as gold eh sweet as bro I just want to smish them eh" etc and the standard comedy kiwi tattoos. Botha? Have you seen this bloke? He is a humourless saffa on a gap year living in a bedsit in Ealing Broadway isn’t he? How the hell did this bloke end up starting a test for England? He clearly cannot believe it himself can he? He walks around Pennyhill Park wondering what the hell happened. He only came to England to work in a pub in Earl’s Court and now he is running out at rugby HQ. I am at a loss for words at this point. Botha? hahaha. It is a DISGRACE he has been picked ahead of the multitude of hard working premiership players. A DISGRACE. And he is not even bloody english.
You thought the list stopped there didn’t you? How about Fourie? Stevens?I am sick of it. These players are not english and should not be representing our country.
I know some of my Aussie readership may remind the Chairman of the England cricket side. “Ah, but Chairman, the cricket side is full of south Africans”. Well this does not exercise me in the same way. KP, as I have often been on record saying, is English, whatever the bitter cricket writers in the Daily Telegraph may think. His mum is from Lancashire and only moved to SA after she got married. KP moved to England when he was 19. Strauss was born in SA to English parents. Prior spent about 20 minutes in SA as a young child. Let's all just calm down shall we? Or I might bring up the Aussie athletics or tennis teams. [NB. I don't defend the selection of Trott. The bloke is a sociopath and not English.]
For the record, I will not support England if Johnson selects any of the above mentioned players. It is beyond the pale. They can lose to anyone for all I care, if I have to watch Tuilagi pretend to know the words to God Save The Queen. (Does he? Let's watch tomorrow).
With the above in mind, here is my XV:
1. Cole
2. Hartley
3. Sheridan (assuming he can actually walk and hasn’t grazed his ear)
4. Laws
5. Palmer
6. Croft
7. Moody (c)
8. Easter
9. Youngs
10. Wilko
11. Monye
12. Tindall (how lame we are still picking this bloke? But I WILL NOT HAVE Flutey or "Happy" in my team.
13. Armitage (yes, at outside centre)
14. Ashton
15. Foden
Am I happy with this team? No, I am not. It’s useless. Weakness in every position. No enforcer. No skills in the centres. A glaring weakness at loosehead as Sheridan gets injured at the drop of the hat. Croft’s form is ludicrous. Moody is not a cleanskin openside. Monye is positionally naive. Foden is a bit of a cock, while Ashton steals hubcaps. Easter is not a serious rugby player. Tindall is old and slow. Armitage is not a specialist OC.
It's all very embarrassing frankly. I have been dreading this RWC for 4 years. Those pesky kiwis, ("oooh, England wearing black shirt disrespects our heritage etc etc" YAWN), who seem to find “disrespect” at the drop of a hat, will walk it. And good luck to them. I am sure they will celebrate it in the same joyless manner they celebrate their annual winning of the tri nations.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Vicky Pendleton knuckles down...
The ever lovely Vicky is one of the Chairman's most frequently mentioned athletes.
I admire her ability and the fact of course she has won Olympic Gold. I also like that fact she clearly winds up that simply ghastly "big boned" Aussie Anna Meares.
Indeed, while I am on Meares, the woman is borderline insane. Never in my life have I seen any sportsperson so utterly obsessed with one competitor. Vicky can take or leave Meares. Clearly she is not impressed with her. She does after all appear to be an entirely bitter, one dimensional buffoon. And what I also suspect bothers Vicky is that Meares appears to spend every waking moment, and no doubt in her sleep too, thinking, talking, obsessing about our Vicky. It is bizarre. And unsettling for Vicky, who seems a peaceful, unconfrontational soul.
Go on, check yourself. Meares has not done one interview, NOT ONE, without talking about Vicky. Just yesteday she was on the box again, talking about how pleased she was she "got one over Victoria Pendelton". She said this before the fact she also won a world championship gold. It is truly bizarre and does go some way to explaining why Vicky seems to give Meares a wide berth.
But... as regulae readers will know, it is my view that Vicky has rather taken her eye off the ball. She is a classic case of the British athelete getting gold at the Olympics (not that that is a long list of course) and then watching her career go downhill for the next 3 years.
I lie awake wondering why this is. It happens so often. Olympic Gold (hooray) and British athletes just seem to forget entirely what got them there and fall into the hateful trap of lame D-list english celerbity. It smacks of a culture of defeat and a lack of expectation. It enfuriates me. Why is it only England that suffers this? When an Aussie wins gold, it seems to motivate them more (though to be fair, Steph Rice, bless her, is a classic exception to the rule) In England, it is licence to get pissed for 3 years.
Well Vicky made a lame stab at carrying on, but she has fallen well down the pecking order, even within the British team. Meares clearly has her number while isnt there some vast Chinese girl who now beats her too?
Vicky, like so many before her, did a few FHM shoots (why cant Jessica Eniss do one hey? Come on FHM, get that chequebook out), flogged some cereal or other and just larked about, wasting her talent and the huge funding from the lottery and Sky she is still taking. I have long offered her my advice - get dowh the gym love and start working again.
Well today, in an interview in the Daily Failygraph, she did just that. She has now stated she is going off radar for a year to get herself into shape.
I am thrilled by this, not because I think she will win gold. I don't. The Aussies are going to win every cycling gold as I have already predicted, purely to annoy the host country at the Olympics, but at least if gives Vicky a fighting chance of beating Meares once more.
And if truth be told, of every single event at the Olympics, save for perhaps the British rowing 4 beating those pesky kiwis, there is no other event I will be watching more closely. Should Vicky beat Meares in the Olympics, I will be happy, even if that is the only gold we win.
I admire her ability and the fact of course she has won Olympic Gold. I also like that fact she clearly winds up that simply ghastly "big boned" Aussie Anna Meares.
Indeed, while I am on Meares, the woman is borderline insane. Never in my life have I seen any sportsperson so utterly obsessed with one competitor. Vicky can take or leave Meares. Clearly she is not impressed with her. She does after all appear to be an entirely bitter, one dimensional buffoon. And what I also suspect bothers Vicky is that Meares appears to spend every waking moment, and no doubt in her sleep too, thinking, talking, obsessing about our Vicky. It is bizarre. And unsettling for Vicky, who seems a peaceful, unconfrontational soul.
Go on, check yourself. Meares has not done one interview, NOT ONE, without talking about Vicky. Just yesteday she was on the box again, talking about how pleased she was she "got one over Victoria Pendelton". She said this before the fact she also won a world championship gold. It is truly bizarre and does go some way to explaining why Vicky seems to give Meares a wide berth.
But... as regulae readers will know, it is my view that Vicky has rather taken her eye off the ball. She is a classic case of the British athelete getting gold at the Olympics (not that that is a long list of course) and then watching her career go downhill for the next 3 years.
I lie awake wondering why this is. It happens so often. Olympic Gold (hooray) and British athletes just seem to forget entirely what got them there and fall into the hateful trap of lame D-list english celerbity. It smacks of a culture of defeat and a lack of expectation. It enfuriates me. Why is it only England that suffers this? When an Aussie wins gold, it seems to motivate them more (though to be fair, Steph Rice, bless her, is a classic exception to the rule) In England, it is licence to get pissed for 3 years.
Well Vicky made a lame stab at carrying on, but she has fallen well down the pecking order, even within the British team. Meares clearly has her number while isnt there some vast Chinese girl who now beats her too?
Vicky, like so many before her, did a few FHM shoots (why cant Jessica Eniss do one hey? Come on FHM, get that chequebook out), flogged some cereal or other and just larked about, wasting her talent and the huge funding from the lottery and Sky she is still taking. I have long offered her my advice - get dowh the gym love and start working again.
Well today, in an interview in the Daily Failygraph, she did just that. She has now stated she is going off radar for a year to get herself into shape.
I am thrilled by this, not because I think she will win gold. I don't. The Aussies are going to win every cycling gold as I have already predicted, purely to annoy the host country at the Olympics, but at least if gives Vicky a fighting chance of beating Meares once more.
And if truth be told, of every single event at the Olympics, save for perhaps the British rowing 4 beating those pesky kiwis, there is no other event I will be watching more closely. Should Vicky beat Meares in the Olympics, I will be happy, even if that is the only gold we win.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Stuart Broad, KP and the idiocy of the MSM
Just over a week ago, the MSM had finally caught up with the Chairman. Clearly Stuart Broad, that tall, lanky blonde beanpole young shaver-me-lad, as popular with the ladies as he is with opening batsmen, was not up to test cricket.
Or any cricket for that matter, but I'll come on to that.
And now, one good game later, Broad is suddenly world class? God, its just laughable. He has one good game against a bunch of bored, under-prepared Indians and he is a world beater? If it was not so offensive it would be laughable.
Becasue make no mistake. Broad's selection for England in 2007 was a national scandal. And his continued presence in the test side is a constant thorn in the Chairman's side.
I have nothing personal against the boy, though I admit I don't warm to him. Apart from when he squared up to that ghastly bogan sleeve tattooed yob "Mitchell" Johnson for which he deserves praise (don't you just wish that moron would disappear?), Broad's conduct on the cricket field is simply unnacceptable. His poxy snarling, while not in the Johnson mould of total ineptitude, is lame. His habit of appealing while running backwards towards the batsman is plain rude and his habit of scuffing the ground if a decision does not go his way, just plain adolescent.
Broad was selected by an inept ECB selection committee on the back of 4 good T20 games for Notts. This, lest we forget, is the same selection panel who thought Darren Pattinson should open the bowling for the test side, and who thought Tredwell was a test player. He was selected, because the panel "liked the look of him".
Well I like the look of Jessica Ennis, but that does not mean I want her taking the new ball at Headingly. Broad's selection made a mockery of honest toilers in the county game. Those who took 60-odd wickets at 29 in the season, yet could not even get a sniff of recognition as they did not have a dad who won the ashes in Australia.
I am not accusing the ECB of nepotsim here to be fair. Just rank incompetence.
Which brings us to the present. Broad has somehow kept his position in the England team in all forms of the game, despite offering nothing. He is by some distance the worst new ball bowler in top tier test cricket. His average of 35 is weak, and on a downward spiral. He has consistantly failed to deliver. Which all makes the glowing coverage he received last week unforgivable. One good game does not a player make. Otherwise Ed Giddins would still be playing test cricket. Broad must be dropped, but just as with other school pets, he has now cemented his place for the next 15 years.
which brings me to KP...
Regular readers know I like the man. He deserves our respect and indeed thanks for engineering the removal of that utter dribbling monkey Peter Moores. He has played with courage. He left SA as a teenager to prove hinmself in county cricket. He started his international career in the bitter bearpit of humourless south africa and shone. Despite what our Aussie cousins say, he is english. He is certainly more english than the entire Australian tennis squad is Australian. (NB. I won't defend that sociopath Trott. That boy is as saffa as it gets). I Like KP.
BUT.. that does not mean he merits his place in the england side. Because he quite clearly does not.
I have often argued about his Ashes tour. My point being he averaged 60, but take away his flukey Adelaide inings, he averaged 27. His supporters then say, "aaaah, but he DID get 227 so your argument is irrelevant", thereby entirely missing the point.
A test numebr 4 cannot scratch around for 6-10 innnigs then get a big score. He needs to deliver more. He needs to hold onto his wicket for dear life, not wonder down the wicket and take a wild swing. KP is not respnsible enough to be playing international cricket. And no double ton he scored against the village under-prepared, bored Indian bowling attack at Lords will change that.
I will happily go on record and predict he will scracth aroudn for the rest of the series. He always does. And he will give away 4 overthrows at least once a test (he always does). But now he has his one biggie in the bag, he will dine off it for months, flatterng to deceive, wafting blindly at tempters outside off stump.
KP is a walking wicket. He should not be playing test cricket.
Or any cricket for that matter, but I'll come on to that.
And now, one good game later, Broad is suddenly world class? God, its just laughable. He has one good game against a bunch of bored, under-prepared Indians and he is a world beater? If it was not so offensive it would be laughable.
Becasue make no mistake. Broad's selection for England in 2007 was a national scandal. And his continued presence in the test side is a constant thorn in the Chairman's side.
I have nothing personal against the boy, though I admit I don't warm to him. Apart from when he squared up to that ghastly bogan sleeve tattooed yob "Mitchell" Johnson for which he deserves praise (don't you just wish that moron would disappear?), Broad's conduct on the cricket field is simply unnacceptable. His poxy snarling, while not in the Johnson mould of total ineptitude, is lame. His habit of appealing while running backwards towards the batsman is plain rude and his habit of scuffing the ground if a decision does not go his way, just plain adolescent.
Broad was selected by an inept ECB selection committee on the back of 4 good T20 games for Notts. This, lest we forget, is the same selection panel who thought Darren Pattinson should open the bowling for the test side, and who thought Tredwell was a test player. He was selected, because the panel "liked the look of him".
Well I like the look of Jessica Ennis, but that does not mean I want her taking the new ball at Headingly. Broad's selection made a mockery of honest toilers in the county game. Those who took 60-odd wickets at 29 in the season, yet could not even get a sniff of recognition as they did not have a dad who won the ashes in Australia.
I am not accusing the ECB of nepotsim here to be fair. Just rank incompetence.
Which brings us to the present. Broad has somehow kept his position in the England team in all forms of the game, despite offering nothing. He is by some distance the worst new ball bowler in top tier test cricket. His average of 35 is weak, and on a downward spiral. He has consistantly failed to deliver. Which all makes the glowing coverage he received last week unforgivable. One good game does not a player make. Otherwise Ed Giddins would still be playing test cricket. Broad must be dropped, but just as with other school pets, he has now cemented his place for the next 15 years.
which brings me to KP...
Regular readers know I like the man. He deserves our respect and indeed thanks for engineering the removal of that utter dribbling monkey Peter Moores. He has played with courage. He left SA as a teenager to prove hinmself in county cricket. He started his international career in the bitter bearpit of humourless south africa and shone. Despite what our Aussie cousins say, he is english. He is certainly more english than the entire Australian tennis squad is Australian. (NB. I won't defend that sociopath Trott. That boy is as saffa as it gets). I Like KP.
BUT.. that does not mean he merits his place in the england side. Because he quite clearly does not.
I have often argued about his Ashes tour. My point being he averaged 60, but take away his flukey Adelaide inings, he averaged 27. His supporters then say, "aaaah, but he DID get 227 so your argument is irrelevant", thereby entirely missing the point.
A test numebr 4 cannot scratch around for 6-10 innnigs then get a big score. He needs to deliver more. He needs to hold onto his wicket for dear life, not wonder down the wicket and take a wild swing. KP is not respnsible enough to be playing international cricket. And no double ton he scored against the village under-prepared, bored Indian bowling attack at Lords will change that.
I will happily go on record and predict he will scracth aroudn for the rest of the series. He always does. And he will give away 4 overthrows at least once a test (he always does). But now he has his one biggie in the bag, he will dine off it for months, flatterng to deceive, wafting blindly at tempters outside off stump.
KP is a walking wicket. He should not be playing test cricket.
Monday, July 11, 2011
The RFU is a pale shadow of its former self
The Chairman has struggled to get too exercised about many issues recently, though a few things have caught his eye.
The continued brilliance of Mark Cavendish, in my opinion, England's only true world class sportsman. I don't say that lightly. I look at the likes of Ben Ainslie, Alastair Cook, Nick Matthew, Phillips Idowu et al, but really none of them come close to matching Cav's once in a generation genius. He wins despite the quite blatant bias of the Frog officials and the outrageous defensive tactics of his opposition. As to Wiggins, The Chairman is unconvinced. You can talk about form all you like, but I can't help thinking his fourth placed 2 years ago was a massive fluke. Get back to the track son, and work out a way to beat the pre-pubescent Aussies.
The on-going absurdity of the selection of Stuart Broad in the England cricket team, more of which in another post when I can muster the energy. But let's quickly mention Broad should NEVER have been picked in the first placd all those years ago. He was picked on the back of 3 good T20 games for Notts. It's embarrassing. It's a damning indictment of the ECB's selection policy which lest we forget also lead to the selection of Darren Pattinson, a low grade club player from Australia, to bowl his filth for an England test side. An England TEST side. Sweet jesus, its just pathetic.
And as for football, christ alive. Where to even begin. As ever, this hateful, grotesque "sport" never fails to disappoint in the close season, as tired hacks desperately try to fill their 350 words on any inane drivel. Who cares where Tevez is going? The bloke is a sociopath. An argentinian pikey who will play for whoever pays him the most. He couldn't give a flying rod about his beastly little sprogs. Again, I simply don't have the energy for another post about football. I loath it. I wish the whole game would disappear.
So to rugby. The Chairman's second love. I am watching the disintegration of the RFU, and the game, with a wide-eyed detached bemusement. Make no mistake, the RFU was the cream of the world's sporting governing bodies. It had the right balance of commercial acumen, dedication to the grass roots and player development, both personal and professional, while doing everything it could to manage the tedious, aggressive, adolescent tantrums of the increasingly cocky premiership run by the truely ghastly Mark McCafferty.
Francis Baron ruled the roost like a Victorian dad. Yes he had his faults. He was arrogant, aloof, loved the hierarchy and privilege that came with the position, a real change from running some poxy travel company. He had an Aston Martin DB7 with a personalised number plate which he drive to the office. He failed completely to build any relationships with the media who still fail to credit him with the superb job he did.
But he took over a failing sport and turned it into a powerful, successful game. He skillfully oversaw the advent of professionalism. He re-built Twickenham, made the game profitable when it was struggling, overhauled the England team. He brokered a highly complex agreement with the clubs over the future of the game. He did it all.
And in 3 short months, it came crashing down.
How on earth did this happen? How did a smooth running ship turn into this embarrassment? Christ, the RFU is starting to look as stupid as the FA, that seething, infested pit of self interest, corruption, incompetence and hate. This is the question the media are are struggling to get a grip on.
So The Chairman will have a go.
It's cos Baron left and Steele was appointed.
All this crap about Steele being a rugby man. What a joke. He is a middle manager got lucky. And he was brutally found out.
The RFU requires a set of skills meaning there is no hiding place. Steele got the job and thought he could hide. He was badly wrong. Here, his decisions actually impacted people. He came in and flung his pipsqueak weight around with ill-thought out management bollox. Ruthlessly dismantling a system developed over years under Baron.
This idiot simply did not have a clue. In trying to establish himself he messed the whole place up. And poor old Martyn Thomas was caught like a rabbit in the headlights. For years, Thomas had quietly watched Baron expertly manage the huge number of self interest groups and grade A tossers like Clive Woodward. Thomas had trust in Baron and let him get on with it. Suddenly Steele is coming in and mesing with everything and Thomas simply did not know what to do. He panicked. He looked for help from the Board but they too had'nt had to deal with this crap before. Baron had shielded the whole organisation from it.
Finally the Board realised Steele was so out of his depth, it made him look like Michael Owen at Real Madrid, they got shot of him. And we are left in the shambles we see today. This whole media narrative over the Performance Director role is just bollox. Steele's problems were far bigger than pissing around with a job description.
Let's not forget, this was the bloke who thought it appropriate to make his own daughter a mascot at a Twickers international, thus depriving any number of considerably more deserving kids the chance to meet their heroes. As I have often stated, this should have set the alarm bells ringing. But it perfectly illustrates the total obliviousness of Steele and his lefty, middle maangement ilk.
So now we have a mess with Blackett about to go, Thomas interim CEO etc etc.
Its pathetic. Just get a grip. The RFU needs to appoint a heavyweight CEO with commercial acumen. Not a weasel like Steele. This is the RFU for god's sake. There will be no shortage of highly credible candidates. They don't need to have managed some poxy rugby club before and even less a pointless national lottery funded excuse for a sporting body. Get a heavyweight CEO with PLC experience.
Appoint a performance director. Not Woodward. The bloke is a megalomaniac. If they appoint him, the media narrative will be all about him and how he doesn't "get on with the old farts" or whatever nonsense they come up with next. This is the RFU. There will be plenty of high calibre alternatives.
Take back control of the media narrative. Get the right people in place and clearly explain the strategy and roles/responsibilities. The media never understood what Rob Andrew's role was. This cannot happen again. When an organisation is opaque, it means something is wrong. There needs to be total transparency. Once this is achieved, there should be no need for the RFU to be in the press. The RFU is not the story, at least it shouldn't be.
Steele made the RFU the story. The next man needs to ensure this does not happen again.
The continued brilliance of Mark Cavendish, in my opinion, England's only true world class sportsman. I don't say that lightly. I look at the likes of Ben Ainslie, Alastair Cook, Nick Matthew, Phillips Idowu et al, but really none of them come close to matching Cav's once in a generation genius. He wins despite the quite blatant bias of the Frog officials and the outrageous defensive tactics of his opposition. As to Wiggins, The Chairman is unconvinced. You can talk about form all you like, but I can't help thinking his fourth placed 2 years ago was a massive fluke. Get back to the track son, and work out a way to beat the pre-pubescent Aussies.
The on-going absurdity of the selection of Stuart Broad in the England cricket team, more of which in another post when I can muster the energy. But let's quickly mention Broad should NEVER have been picked in the first placd all those years ago. He was picked on the back of 3 good T20 games for Notts. It's embarrassing. It's a damning indictment of the ECB's selection policy which lest we forget also lead to the selection of Darren Pattinson, a low grade club player from Australia, to bowl his filth for an England test side. An England TEST side. Sweet jesus, its just pathetic.
And as for football, christ alive. Where to even begin. As ever, this hateful, grotesque "sport" never fails to disappoint in the close season, as tired hacks desperately try to fill their 350 words on any inane drivel. Who cares where Tevez is going? The bloke is a sociopath. An argentinian pikey who will play for whoever pays him the most. He couldn't give a flying rod about his beastly little sprogs. Again, I simply don't have the energy for another post about football. I loath it. I wish the whole game would disappear.
So to rugby. The Chairman's second love. I am watching the disintegration of the RFU, and the game, with a wide-eyed detached bemusement. Make no mistake, the RFU was the cream of the world's sporting governing bodies. It had the right balance of commercial acumen, dedication to the grass roots and player development, both personal and professional, while doing everything it could to manage the tedious, aggressive, adolescent tantrums of the increasingly cocky premiership run by the truely ghastly Mark McCafferty.
Francis Baron ruled the roost like a Victorian dad. Yes he had his faults. He was arrogant, aloof, loved the hierarchy and privilege that came with the position, a real change from running some poxy travel company. He had an Aston Martin DB7 with a personalised number plate which he drive to the office. He failed completely to build any relationships with the media who still fail to credit him with the superb job he did.
But he took over a failing sport and turned it into a powerful, successful game. He skillfully oversaw the advent of professionalism. He re-built Twickenham, made the game profitable when it was struggling, overhauled the England team. He brokered a highly complex agreement with the clubs over the future of the game. He did it all.
And in 3 short months, it came crashing down.
How on earth did this happen? How did a smooth running ship turn into this embarrassment? Christ, the RFU is starting to look as stupid as the FA, that seething, infested pit of self interest, corruption, incompetence and hate. This is the question the media are are struggling to get a grip on.
So The Chairman will have a go.
It's cos Baron left and Steele was appointed.
All this crap about Steele being a rugby man. What a joke. He is a middle manager got lucky. And he was brutally found out.
The RFU requires a set of skills meaning there is no hiding place. Steele got the job and thought he could hide. He was badly wrong. Here, his decisions actually impacted people. He came in and flung his pipsqueak weight around with ill-thought out management bollox. Ruthlessly dismantling a system developed over years under Baron.
This idiot simply did not have a clue. In trying to establish himself he messed the whole place up. And poor old Martyn Thomas was caught like a rabbit in the headlights. For years, Thomas had quietly watched Baron expertly manage the huge number of self interest groups and grade A tossers like Clive Woodward. Thomas had trust in Baron and let him get on with it. Suddenly Steele is coming in and mesing with everything and Thomas simply did not know what to do. He panicked. He looked for help from the Board but they too had'nt had to deal with this crap before. Baron had shielded the whole organisation from it.
Finally the Board realised Steele was so out of his depth, it made him look like Michael Owen at Real Madrid, they got shot of him. And we are left in the shambles we see today. This whole media narrative over the Performance Director role is just bollox. Steele's problems were far bigger than pissing around with a job description.
Let's not forget, this was the bloke who thought it appropriate to make his own daughter a mascot at a Twickers international, thus depriving any number of considerably more deserving kids the chance to meet their heroes. As I have often stated, this should have set the alarm bells ringing. But it perfectly illustrates the total obliviousness of Steele and his lefty, middle maangement ilk.
So now we have a mess with Blackett about to go, Thomas interim CEO etc etc.
Its pathetic. Just get a grip. The RFU needs to appoint a heavyweight CEO with commercial acumen. Not a weasel like Steele. This is the RFU for god's sake. There will be no shortage of highly credible candidates. They don't need to have managed some poxy rugby club before and even less a pointless national lottery funded excuse for a sporting body. Get a heavyweight CEO with PLC experience.
Appoint a performance director. Not Woodward. The bloke is a megalomaniac. If they appoint him, the media narrative will be all about him and how he doesn't "get on with the old farts" or whatever nonsense they come up with next. This is the RFU. There will be plenty of high calibre alternatives.
Take back control of the media narrative. Get the right people in place and clearly explain the strategy and roles/responsibilities. The media never understood what Rob Andrew's role was. This cannot happen again. When an organisation is opaque, it means something is wrong. There needs to be total transparency. Once this is achieved, there should be no need for the RFU to be in the press. The RFU is not the story, at least it shouldn't be.
Steele made the RFU the story. The next man needs to ensure this does not happen again.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Tennis isn't a sport, it's a game
Yesterday, the Chairman, having despaired at England's useless bowling attack (Stuart Broad? Is this a joke? The bloke is just terrible. It's an absolute scandal he is playing international cricket) decided to cast his eye over Wimbledon. And Lo! The mighty Nadal was playing.
It was during this game that I saw something I had never seen before, and it got me thinking about how tennis has degenerated into the most frustrating, pampered sport on the planet. Hence I have downgraded it to "game".
And what was it that so caught my attention?
The valiant Michael Russell, Nadal's unfortunate sacrificial lamb, actually thanked a ballboy for holding his towel. All these years of watching tennis, all over the world. Hundreds of different players. Not once, NOT ONCE, has any of these preening ponces had the plain common courtesy to thank a volunteering ballboy for holding his ghastly sweaty towel. Most point nonchelantly, demanding the towel between every point, like they are a fourteenth century monarch.
Tennis is a rubbish sport. Let's start on that frankly offensive joke that is wimmin's tennis. The standard is so lamentably bad it is ludicrous. Clijsters and Henin retired for three years to have babies. They saw how the standard was still so bad, they played a few sunday league games and promptly came back to win majors. This is just ludicrous.
Most "professional" female tennis players are simply out of shape. In fact, while you're there, let's not beat about the bush. Most of them are fat. I was watching the lovely Schiavone play that borderline psychotic wierdo Dokic last night. Dokic was shuffling round the court like a fattie doing some exercise on a Saturday afternoon in SW London. I thought it was a joke. Only Sam Stosur and Schiavone look anything like athletes. It is regrettable Sam is out, again.
How can it be possible for the highest paid female sport to tolerate this? How on EARTH can wimmin justify equal prize money? This isn't just ludicrous (yes, that word again, but this is wimmin's tennis we are talking about), it is downright offensive. Serena Williams, hardly in shape herself, can win a major and drop about 20 games, if that. Wimmin play about a quarter of the game time as the blokes, if not less, but still want equal prize money? Give me some credit.
And what is this having a rest every 2 games? I just cannot believe in 2011, professional athletes, some of the hightes paid on the planet, still want to have a blow after 2 games. No wonder fatty ladies can still succeed. They get to take a blow as soon as they run out of puff. Hahaha, it's just laughable. Tennis is a game, not a sport.
In what other sport do you see wimmin with their entire leg strapped up, like that will make a plain bit of difference? They always have some tredious tiny injury to moan about. Well get in shape then love and stop moaning. Its not just the wimmin. Andy Murray is always using his bogus ankle injury as an excuse. Novak Djokovic has often just given up, blaming some spurious injury if he cant be bothered. They're all at it. Every match someone turns up with a piece of black sellotape on his/her knee, like it makes the blindest bit of difference...
It now takes 5 minutes for most players to serve. They go through a whole tube of balls before they finally find one they deem good enough to hit. This shouldn't be allowed. Its a sport, not a "find the nicest ball" competition.
And why do players need a towel EVERY POINT? What are sweat bands for? Again, all these things have crept in over the past 10 years. It slows the game down. It negates the advantage a fit player has over her opponent. This is precisely why in the women's game, patently unfit players can stil beat those who have bothered to go for a jog. Tennis is not an aerobic test of fitness. It is a game.
Tennis has entirely degenerated into the most absurd game. The quite dismal standard of female tennis is but one problem. It keeps me awake at night wondering how the grotesquely well funded LTA fails year after year to find a British female player of any ability, though I do of course recognise this has as much to do with our bone idle female population in Britain, as it does about the rank incompetence of the sport's governing body. The same goes for the men. Henman, Murray are exceptions to the rule. We are a global laughing stock.
I'm sick of tennis. I even find myself sniggering at the irritating, smug antics of the Wimbledon crowd. I uased to defend the whole englishness of it. Now even this irritates me. Why, for example, when a player sneezes does the entire crowd burst out laughing like they've just seen a peter kay sketch about garlic bread? Why should all those D-list celebs get to go to the Royal Box? Terry Wogan sat there like the cat that got the cream, and he still didnt need to dip into the 10k he got from the BBC for presenting Children in Need did he?
Tennis isnt a sport. It's a game. And until the women's game starts treating the paying public with respect and presenting players that can run 400 metres without collapsing, and until the men stop needing to take a breather every 2 games, while towelling down their entire body or having a 10 minute internal debate about which bloody ball to hit, I shall continue treating it with the contempt it deserves.
It was during this game that I saw something I had never seen before, and it got me thinking about how tennis has degenerated into the most frustrating, pampered sport on the planet. Hence I have downgraded it to "game".
And what was it that so caught my attention?
The valiant Michael Russell, Nadal's unfortunate sacrificial lamb, actually thanked a ballboy for holding his towel. All these years of watching tennis, all over the world. Hundreds of different players. Not once, NOT ONCE, has any of these preening ponces had the plain common courtesy to thank a volunteering ballboy for holding his ghastly sweaty towel. Most point nonchelantly, demanding the towel between every point, like they are a fourteenth century monarch.
Tennis is a rubbish sport. Let's start on that frankly offensive joke that is wimmin's tennis. The standard is so lamentably bad it is ludicrous. Clijsters and Henin retired for three years to have babies. They saw how the standard was still so bad, they played a few sunday league games and promptly came back to win majors. This is just ludicrous.
Most "professional" female tennis players are simply out of shape. In fact, while you're there, let's not beat about the bush. Most of them are fat. I was watching the lovely Schiavone play that borderline psychotic wierdo Dokic last night. Dokic was shuffling round the court like a fattie doing some exercise on a Saturday afternoon in SW London. I thought it was a joke. Only Sam Stosur and Schiavone look anything like athletes. It is regrettable Sam is out, again.
How can it be possible for the highest paid female sport to tolerate this? How on EARTH can wimmin justify equal prize money? This isn't just ludicrous (yes, that word again, but this is wimmin's tennis we are talking about), it is downright offensive. Serena Williams, hardly in shape herself, can win a major and drop about 20 games, if that. Wimmin play about a quarter of the game time as the blokes, if not less, but still want equal prize money? Give me some credit.
And what is this having a rest every 2 games? I just cannot believe in 2011, professional athletes, some of the hightes paid on the planet, still want to have a blow after 2 games. No wonder fatty ladies can still succeed. They get to take a blow as soon as they run out of puff. Hahaha, it's just laughable. Tennis is a game, not a sport.
In what other sport do you see wimmin with their entire leg strapped up, like that will make a plain bit of difference? They always have some tredious tiny injury to moan about. Well get in shape then love and stop moaning. Its not just the wimmin. Andy Murray is always using his bogus ankle injury as an excuse. Novak Djokovic has often just given up, blaming some spurious injury if he cant be bothered. They're all at it. Every match someone turns up with a piece of black sellotape on his/her knee, like it makes the blindest bit of difference...
It now takes 5 minutes for most players to serve. They go through a whole tube of balls before they finally find one they deem good enough to hit. This shouldn't be allowed. Its a sport, not a "find the nicest ball" competition.
And why do players need a towel EVERY POINT? What are sweat bands for? Again, all these things have crept in over the past 10 years. It slows the game down. It negates the advantage a fit player has over her opponent. This is precisely why in the women's game, patently unfit players can stil beat those who have bothered to go for a jog. Tennis is not an aerobic test of fitness. It is a game.
Tennis has entirely degenerated into the most absurd game. The quite dismal standard of female tennis is but one problem. It keeps me awake at night wondering how the grotesquely well funded LTA fails year after year to find a British female player of any ability, though I do of course recognise this has as much to do with our bone idle female population in Britain, as it does about the rank incompetence of the sport's governing body. The same goes for the men. Henman, Murray are exceptions to the rule. We are a global laughing stock.
I'm sick of tennis. I even find myself sniggering at the irritating, smug antics of the Wimbledon crowd. I uased to defend the whole englishness of it. Now even this irritates me. Why, for example, when a player sneezes does the entire crowd burst out laughing like they've just seen a peter kay sketch about garlic bread? Why should all those D-list celebs get to go to the Royal Box? Terry Wogan sat there like the cat that got the cream, and he still didnt need to dip into the 10k he got from the BBC for presenting Children in Need did he?
Tennis isnt a sport. It's a game. And until the women's game starts treating the paying public with respect and presenting players that can run 400 metres without collapsing, and until the men stop needing to take a breather every 2 games, while towelling down their entire body or having a 10 minute internal debate about which bloody ball to hit, I shall continue treating it with the contempt it deserves.
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