Goodbye Richard

So he's off. And not a moment too soon. However our Richard "still has plenty to offer Australian cricket". Plenty of self loathing and disgraceful behaviour yes. His performacne in the world cup was an utter shambles. That he was able to walk, rather than be pushed, just shows how spineless Cricket Australia is. And just who was that idiot in the poncy bow tie in the press conference? Trying a bit too hard there old boy. Good riddance. Of course I am delighted Ponting will hang around like a bad smell. With him and that oaf Katich in the dressing room, you can be sure it will be the most hateful team in world cricket. Poor little Michael Clarke having to captain a news side with these 2 idiots breathing down his ghastly tattooed neck. He doesn't stand a chance.

Ponting is a disgrace

Another day, another example of "Ricky" Ponting behaving like a lunatic. He does this in the knowledge his pisspoor ruling body Cricket Australia allows him to get away with whatever he likes. This is the same bloke who has an endless catalogue of dismal behaviour ill-befitting a cricket player, let alone one who captains his country.

Let's remind oursleves of this fact. Ponting is captain of his country, not the bloody local village Sunday side. Jesus wept, who the hell does he think he is? He is a nasty little bully with small man syndrome. He rules the Australian cricket roost like a preening cockeral, full of nasty chippy comments, threatning body language and the most ghastly overwhelming sense of entitlement and conspiracy. He seems to think the world is plotting against him, but has simply failed to work out he is a vicious hateful little bastard, who let us not forget, has lost 3 out of 4 Ashes series as skipper. Humiliating. And it is eating him up inside.

This time, what has our Richard done? Got run out and as ever, refused to accept that a poor little Zimbabwean had the gall to throw a ball which hit the stumps, stormed off in a swearing huff and proceeded to smash up the dressing room, including breaking a flat screen TV.

It is no surprise that CA has failed to apologise, and it is even less of a shock that Ponting has refused to say anything. He did the same when run out by Gary Pratt in 2005 didn't he?

Ponting is out of control. He simply must go. Enough is enough. The man is a disgrace to himself, his country and the game and it reflects poorly on Australia as a nation that he remains, apparently without censure.

Beware British cycling...

The Chairman is a closet cycling fan.

I can sit for hours watching the Tour de France, hypnotised by the beauty of the French countryside, marvelling at how our magnificently arrogant French cousins have maintained a rural way of life, while the miserable hellhole that is England rots under slabs of concrete.

I watch in total admiration as the mad Manx Missile scorches through the field in a near suicidal leap to the finish line after 200kms of racing at speeds which are quite simply mind boggling. I love the stories of Miguel Indurain's heartbeat at rest (26 apparently), the insane levels of fitnes these guys have, the ridiculous tan lines, the obsession with trying to catch out Lance Armstrong (whom I defend vigorously - he never took drugs, just as Contador is patently innocent), the truly death defying descents, the wince inducing climbs. Everything.

I also love the track cycling, if not in the same spiritual way as the road. And I marvel at Team GB's superb performances.

But (there was always going to be a "but")...

I fear our delightful Australian friends are going to seriously spoil the Olympics party in the velodrome. It gives me no pleasure whatsoever (indeed it pains me) to say the Aussies are going to beat us in 2012. I can see it happening now. The ever lovely Victoria Pendleton has totally lost her own personal battle with Anna Mears, who just clearly wants it more (it is typical of an Aussie to use beating an English girl as her inspiration, but sadly it works). Pendleton is bored of the whole thing and I think just wants to settle down, do a couple more FHM shoots, maybe soem media work and squeeze out a couple of puppies. It does not help of course that English cycling continues to humour the absurd "Shanaze" Reade, who is just plain useless and should stick to riding her little push bike around a muddy field. That she is paired with Victoria does V no favours at all. Let's hope she does not get selected so we can watch her fall flat on her face again in the first round of the "BMX". (speaking of which, how the hell is BMX an Olympic sport when Squash isn't? Laughable).

But it's not just Mears. The Aussies are now winning the women's team sprint, the individual pursuit, women's sprint, and they are plainly going to win the blue Riband Team pursuit. It's just so depressing. The Ausse pursuiters are all about 21 years old and still not shaving. They are younger, fitter, quicker, more motivated than the GB four. They are only going to get better and I fully predict they will beat GB in the Team pursuit final in Holland next month, and beat the GB world record.

Tickets for the Velodrime at 2012 are said to be the most in demand of any event. Wouldn't it be just typical the Aussies turn up and ruin it all, meaning we have to put up with those stupid inflatable boxing kangaroos all over the place and the tedious "Aussie Aussie Aussie" chant (a rip off from an English chat of course) for 3 weeks in west London. Sheesh. It's like going to a party and having fun until someone brings their annoying Aussie mate along and he starts going on about how many rugby world cups Australia has won, how well funded our athletes are and how small Australia is.

Calm down England...

The enthusiasm for the England rugby team is as predictable as it is baffling. Beating a bunch of welsh fatties coached by a hateful, incompetent kiwi and some italian part timers (don't you just love Mirco Bergamasco - the bloke is sub club level) does not a great team make. We might even beat the French. Still proves nothing. What folk tend to forget is that journalists are salesmen... their job is to right stuff people want to read, so they buy more papers.

Which is why they continually reinvent history. In November last year, Martin Johnson was useless, now suddenly he is the great brooding leader again, inspiring his players to geat things.

While the grotesque over-analysis might not match that of the corrupt cesspit that is football, the short memories of those in the media is astonishing. And we let them get away with it. Sheesh, I remember that idiot Stephen Jones calling Gavin Henson "the most talented player in Europe" while he still eulogises over the absurdly over-rated Juan Martin Hernandez. Meanwhile the otherwise competent Mick Cleary bangs on about England's "new found sense of adventure" or whatever cliche he can be bothered to spout that week.

The reality is that England were blessed with a once in a generation set of players in 2002-3 and we still lag behind the very best. Like football, it is truly depressing to see the clubs starting to call the shots, while I am afraid to say physically, we are some way behind both those entirely humourless South Africans and the teeth grindingly arrogant pacific islanders (by which I mean New Zealand). Any international team which has the laughably lightweight dandy Toby Flood at fly half, the absurdly monickered kiwi "Shonatayne Hape" at Inside Centre and the woeful Mark Cueto on the wing is hardly going to be a world beater. And note, Ashton, bless his little pikey socks, would have scored none of the tries he has scored recently against New Zealand as he ain't fast enough.

All I am saying is just hold fire on the excitement for the time being.

And while I'm there, I am loving the on-going fall of Danny Cipriani. I remember having arguments on the Planet Rugby chat boards with idiots claiming young Danny to be the best player in the world and the future of England rugby, conveniently forgetting he can't tackle, can't kick off his right foot, has dismal game management skills and is clearly a most thoroughly distasteful individual. As always, I was proved entirely right. Now he can't even get into the Melbourne Rebels side and there are rumours all over the place about his attitude in training. I am very happy to go on record and predict with absolute confidence, Cipriani won't get anywhere near an England cap and I fully expect him to be playing club rugby in France in 2012 when the Aussies tire of his tedious attitude.

Ponting true to form...

Well it didn't take long for "Richard" Ponting to make a fool of himself did it, the hate-filled, seething little pillock. 20 minutes in fact. And then there he was. Screaming obscenities at some poor India bowler after some mild provocation. Of course the Aussie media spin was as depressingly disingenuous as it was predictable. "it was all Sreesanth's fault, boohoo etc."

Lamentable stuff. As I have far too often stated, the Aussies can sure dish it out, but by god, they sure as hell can't take it can they?

Frankly they don't deserve anyone better then this grotesque excuse for an international captain. Incidentally, google "Ponting + argument" you get 82,500 hits. Google "Ponting + behaviour" you get 139,000. The bloke is a national disgrace.

Still, I hope he goes to sleep knowing he has captained Australia to three Ashes losses in four series. Sreesanth is right. He is a fucking loser.

Hateful Haddin reaches new depths

That Australian wicketkeeper "Brad" Haddin is a nasty piece of work is taken as read. He drips hate and post colonial self loathing. But his performance after the wicket of KP last night was as bad as it gets.

Be it Siddle's abuse of Prior, that ghastly effeminate skip as performed by that over grown child Brett Lee, or "Ricky" Ponting's increasingly pointless snarling, Haddin abusing KP as he trudged off (after yet another dismal innings natch) is just another in a long line of frankly pathetic examples of poor Australian behaviour. They wreak of arrogance, despite the fact they have just been humiliated in an Ashes series and are playing a tired, practically third string England side. It also shows rank cowardice, to abuse an opponent as they return to the pavillion. None of which will concern Haddin, the most hateful, nasty, spineless player in world cricket.

Where to start? His constant chirping behind the stumps is not what some will try to excuse as normal keeper behaviour. It is mindless, teeth grindingly boorish stuff. Haddin is entirely humourless. His insistance of feigning at the stumps EVERY time the ball is returned to him in the field is hugely irritating, as is his bizarre, exaggerated catching routine (catch it, watch it in slow motion into the gloves, move the gloves behind the body, throw ball between gloves three times and maybe for good measure, feign at the stumps again).

Haddin has nothing going for him. A hugely unpopular cricketer on the global stage, he is a truly loathsome individual for whom I wish nothing but the worst. He is one the of those individuals for whom life would be so much happier if he disappeared.

The Australian media's take on the KP incident was also depressingly predictable. Having totally and conveniently ignored what is up there with Doug Bollinger's claim of a catch v Windies which bounced over a yard in front of him, Smith claimed a catch which he dropped, which he then rolled over before picking it up with a DIFFERENT hand, the Channel 9 commentators, so myopic is makes south american football commentators seem well balanced, they brushed over Haddin's abuse entirely. As have the print press, incredibly accusing KP of getting into an argument with Haddin.

What a dismal state of affairs. Conduct and behaviour be damned. I hope they rot in the stench of ther own self loathing.

Cook - an apology

For 12 months I was trying to get rid of Alastair Cook. By rights, the boy should never have been near that England team. He simply did not deserve to be picked by his country. Yet picked he was. And boy did he deliver. Never let it be said I can't say sorry. I have been well and truly found out, just like Graeme Swann was on this tour. Cook went away and fixed his blindingly obvious technical fault. It may have taken far too long for him to realise he shouldn't chase pitched up deliveries outside off stump, but when he finally worked it out, wow - what a performance. Not that the Aussies seeemd to notice. MUCH more on the behaviour of the Australians to follow, but Alastair - I take it all back. Well played.