Beware British cycling...

The Chairman is a closet cycling fan.

I can sit for hours watching the Tour de France, hypnotised by the beauty of the French countryside, marvelling at how our magnificently arrogant French cousins have maintained a rural way of life, while the miserable hellhole that is England rots under slabs of concrete.

I watch in total admiration as the mad Manx Missile scorches through the field in a near suicidal leap to the finish line after 200kms of racing at speeds which are quite simply mind boggling. I love the stories of Miguel Indurain's heartbeat at rest (26 apparently), the insane levels of fitnes these guys have, the ridiculous tan lines, the obsession with trying to catch out Lance Armstrong (whom I defend vigorously - he never took drugs, just as Contador is patently innocent), the truly death defying descents, the wince inducing climbs. Everything.

I also love the track cycling, if not in the same spiritual way as the road. And I marvel at Team GB's superb performances.

But (there was always going to be a "but")...

I fear our delightful Australian friends are going to seriously spoil the Olympics party in the velodrome. It gives me no pleasure whatsoever (indeed it pains me) to say the Aussies are going to beat us in 2012. I can see it happening now. The ever lovely Victoria Pendleton has totally lost her own personal battle with Anna Mears, who just clearly wants it more (it is typical of an Aussie to use beating an English girl as her inspiration, but sadly it works). Pendleton is bored of the whole thing and I think just wants to settle down, do a couple more FHM shoots, maybe soem media work and squeeze out a couple of puppies. It does not help of course that English cycling continues to humour the absurd "Shanaze" Reade, who is just plain useless and should stick to riding her little push bike around a muddy field. That she is paired with Victoria does V no favours at all. Let's hope she does not get selected so we can watch her fall flat on her face again in the first round of the "BMX". (speaking of which, how the hell is BMX an Olympic sport when Squash isn't? Laughable).

But it's not just Mears. The Aussies are now winning the women's team sprint, the individual pursuit, women's sprint, and they are plainly going to win the blue Riband Team pursuit. It's just so depressing. The Ausse pursuiters are all about 21 years old and still not shaving. They are younger, fitter, quicker, more motivated than the GB four. They are only going to get better and I fully predict they will beat GB in the Team pursuit final in Holland next month, and beat the GB world record.

Tickets for the Velodrime at 2012 are said to be the most in demand of any event. Wouldn't it be just typical the Aussies turn up and ruin it all, meaning we have to put up with those stupid inflatable boxing kangaroos all over the place and the tedious "Aussie Aussie Aussie" chant (a rip off from an English chat of course) for 3 weeks in west London. Sheesh. It's like going to a party and having fun until someone brings their annoying Aussie mate along and he starts going on about how many rugby world cups Australia has won, how well funded our athletes are and how small Australia is.